Be afraid, be very afraid!

I'm afraid of spiders. First, I don't start screaming and standing on the nearest chair I find when I see an eight legged thing near by. Normally I watch it for a few seconds while I back down slowly. Sometimes I even get interested and watch it for a while. And in some very lucid moments I admit that spiders could be very interesting wouldn't they move on eight damn legs. Oh and once my brother threw one at me through the open window of the car and I screamed at the top of my lungs. I think it's my fault that my Dad has trouble hearing that well.

But still, spiders and insects can be poisonous. You can't always make out what that something is that just hangs around at the edge of your sight. Therefore, first backing away isn't stupid at all. And yes, I know that most spiders over here are completely harmless, but the stoneage woman in me still gains control often enough and I back off. You can't escape your heritage. You can run all the kilometers you want, it won't help, because you can't outrun yourself. You have been born to a certain kind of culture, country, family, body. No matter how much you alter it, it is still influencing you.

I once met a punk from my neighbour village. He didn't shower and dyed his hair in every colour and wore very, very, very dirty clothing. I'm sure he managed to scare and shock the hell out of his grandma, Mom and Dad and surely most neighbours. I managed to get all eyes on me once myself when I walked all dressed up and high heels into well...you could say downtown if you think one bakery, two restaurants and a near by chapel is a fun place to hang around. Point being, it isn't very hard to shock people from where I come from. And this "punk" - he was a teenager that's about it and grew out of it very quickly - very likely just behaved this way because where he came from. I have my doubts he would have dressed in rags - no offense punks, I really don't care about your fashion style, but they are rags - if not of his very clean cut one house, two cars and very likely PlayStation background. So even though he propably was convinced that he was so not like his parents and propably wondered if he had been adopted, he very likely failed to acknowledge that it was his environment after all that made him.

To stop speculating about someone else and get to the whole point of my nice little story here, I have those strange flashes lately where I turn into my Mom. My Mom is a very organised person and when I was a kid she always threatened me with whatever came to her mind to get me to be more tidy. Once she got angry I started to clean up, because you don't mess with my Mom being angry. Eventually she gave up. And now I got into the habit of making my bed everyday and clean my room at least once a week. Naturally, I'm horrified. I'm not my Mom. I love my Mom, but I always understood myself as my own person and now that I get older I begin to realize that my parents, my environment, my DNA, my experiences, my whole background made me into who I am today.

Well, to be honest I was horrified about that thought only at first. It's not like I never knew it, but for some reason I never considered it as much as I do lately. And through that I start to understand who I am. And I started to understand that it's not nescarrily a death sentence. Now that I begin to understand why I am who I am, I begin to so many little things I've never seen before. And even though it was frightening at first, I'm now trying to use it to my advantage. When I said you can't outrun yourself, I forgot to add "but you can use it to your advantage". If you didn't like the school you went to, it could become your motivation to be a better teacher. And on the personal level you also could use your background knowledge once you gained it. If you realize why you afraid of something it doesn't make the fear vanish into thin air, but it somehow puts it into perspective and often helps coping. Once you understand that you scared of dogs, because of the crazy neighbour dog that's more teeths then anything else and not every dog is like that it can help. You can spot difficulties instead of running into them. You can work on your strengths and weaknesses. And even if you don't develop into some kind of superhero, you could develop into a rather decent person. So rather then denying your heritage, acknowledge it, learn to deal with, cope with it if needed and make the best out of it. You may not be able to outrun it, but you surely can change routes.

So, long speech and a short P.S. . Saying that you are what your background made you into, is not an excuse for being an idiot, sloppy or whatever bad behaviour you want to be excused. for If you are an idiot because someone had been mean towards as a kid that still makes you an idiot.

Fröhliche Weihnachten!

Es ist Weihnachten. Zumindest, wenn es nach meiner Stammkneipe geht, dort war schon am Montag Weihnachten. Dann gab es jede Menge Weihnachtslieder und der Quizmaster im allwöchentlichen Quiz hat schon mal freizügig Punkte vergeben, weil ja "heute Weihnachten ist". Und obwohl ich dann daheim fast vergessen habe, dass es Weihnachten ist, wurde ich dankenswerterweise von jedem Supermarkt darauf hingewiesen, dass tatsächlich immer noch Weihnachten ist und ich mich daher schon mit viel viel Lebkuchen, Plätzchen und Christstollen und Dominosteinen eindecken sollte. Zum Glück scheint zwischendurch Helloween zu sein, deswegen ist die Decko eher zum Gruseln, als weihnachtlich festlich. Aber was nicht ist, kann ja noch werden.

Nicht nur in Deutschland ist schon Weihnachten, ich bin davon überzeugt, dass in der ganzen restlichen, westlicehn Welt und vielleicht sogar in anderen Ländern außerhalb unseres Kulturkreises frohe Heiterkeit und viel "Ho, Ho, Ho" ausgebrochen ist. In Kolumbien haben sie auch schon im Oktober die Weihnachtsdeko draußen. Das heißt dann aber in Medellin Plastikbaum bei schlappen 25 Grad und sehr sehr bunt. Lieber als der Regen im Moment ist mir das zwar allemal, aber bei 25 Grad stellen sich selbst bei mir, der bei Kerzenduft sofort unter den Christbaum hocken will und darauf wartet, dass die Katze glücklich miauend reinspringt.

Ich muss offen zugeben in den letzten Jahren habe ich es mir abgewöhnt zu meckern, dass die bösen bösen, seelenlosen Geschäftsbetreiber schon zu September mit dem Verkauf anfangen und ignoriere es einfach. Da ich inzwischen beobachtet habe, dass genügend Leute freudestrahlend bei den Weihnachtssüßsigkeiten zupacken und sich eindecken, als wäre Weihnachten so oft wie die Olympischen Spiele, denke ich mir, wenn es jemand kauft, dann verkauft es auch jemand. So simpel ist es. Und für alle, die das nicht wollen, die kaufen es am Besten nicht. Es ist ziemlich blödsinnig anderen vorzuschreiben, was sie tun und machen sollten, nur weil man das selbst nicht machen würde. Stattdessen kann man sich ja an seine eigenen Vorsätze halten und beim "blöden Kommerz" nicht mitmachen. Ich mache es wie jedes Jahr. Ich warte bis Dezember und dann flippe ich völlig aus und erwarte, dass es gefälligst schneit und kalt ist, renne auf den Weihnachtsmarkt und betrinke mich am Glühwein, überfressen mich an gebrannten Mandeln und kaufe kurz vor Heiligabend panisch die letzten Geschenke ein. Ich bin sicher, es wird wieder super. Bis dahin, noch eine frohe Weihnachtszeit.